I discovered Assassination Classroom way too late. The manga, written by Yusei Matsui, was serialized in Shueisha‘s Weekly Shōnen Jump magazine from July 2012 to March 2016. The anime debuted January 2015 and I must have been sleeping. It’s the classic tale of a bunch of misfit students forced to band together to defeat an evil being and save the world. Except the evil being is actually a really nice guy with a tragic backstory and shaped like an octopus. Oh, and he’s their teacher. Literally their school teacher.

It’s my kind of weird and quirky, so I gave it a try thinking it would be a silly show to pass the time. Ten minutes into the first episode and I realized my foolish mistake. The series is chalk full of likable and relatable characters, fun adventures and plot that doesn’t feel like the artist just stuck things in random places to fill up time before the main battle. Every episode drew me into their world and I did not want it to end at episode 47. But, I’m not here to discuss the series details – that can be another post. It’s karma I want to talk about.

Specifically, Karma Akabane.

A kid with a huge chip on his shoulder, this character makes his presence known with a smirk and manipulative attitude. He is feared and admired by many students for his unpredictable personality and violent tendencies. It’s not that he’s aggressive for the sake of violence. Karma is violent for the sake of aggression. A tactic to deter people from underestimating him. Generally, he’s friendly and can be very kind, something most of his classmates pick up on when he shows the school that he’s not just a genius at fighting during their midterms.

I won’t spoil how the chip got there, but let’s just say anyone would walk away from what he experienced with a different – and most likely negative – perspective. Regardless, Karma became my favorite character and I started to analyze him and his behaviors. I found that his sarcastic remarks and relaxed demeanor hide a truly terrifying hatred and hostility towards ‘teachers’ and any authority figure he deems similar. And, as much as I want to believe it all started with ‘the incident’ before the shows starts, I feel that anger started as animosity. He brings this animosity to all situations, with all people he meets for the first time. You see it in the way he acts towards his classmates and peers. We never learn about his family other than they’re well-off and clearly have no opinions in his trouble-making because they never show up. It seems that Karma doesn’t trust anyone until proven otherwise, and I’ve always wondered why.

I know plenty of people like this, including myself. Trust isn’t something to give out like free samples. For me, and I imagine Karma, it has to be precise. Calculated. Measured. It speaks to those who hurt us in the past and the chips we still have on our shoulders from the constant dishonesty and ingenuine people who happened to meander into our lives and sneak out like thieves in the night with a piece of our hearts.

But is it healthy to think that way? If you’ve resonated with this article so far, then my next words could be of help to you.

It is not. As comfortable as it is basking in our pool of negativity, staying there too long is not healthy. This is how negative thoughts stay strong and seem impossible to break a part. To be fair, neural pathways, the connections that form and maintain negative (and positive) thinking, are very hard to break once something becomes a habit. Imagine a swordsmith pounding away at a hot piece of metal, day in and day out, non-stop for fourteen days. By day fifteen, they’ve made a habit of pounding metal and could do it mindlessly while thinking about like the cool swords they’ll make forever and ever. Replace swordsmith-ing with negative thoughts running through your mind daily, hourly, minutely. Sitting in that pool of negativity feels validating but it doesn’t help you in the long-run.

As valid as his anger is, Karma has to come to terms with the fact that whatever happened shaped his view of others but it doesn’t mean everyone is that horrible teacher. Not every adult is out to manipulate his trust and break his heart. I’m not suggesting he buck up and get over it. I’m suggesting he allow himself time to sit in that pool of negativity to feel the emotions and process them. And once he’s done that in a way that is helpful, he can stand up, wipe off and move on to realistic thoughts and actions to help feel better. Remember: No emotion is negative and there is not a single one that can control your life unless you let it.

Thanks for the read! hope this helped anyone whose been feeling betrayed, hurt or angry. You aren’t alone and emotions are not your boss.

PLEASE NOTE: If you need mental health support (not just reading my little blog) or are in a mental health crisis, PAUSE, and get help. I have a whole page under the Health and Fitness tab labeled Mental Health Help that has numbers you can call. This is NOT a blog where I am providing any type of counseling or psychological service and should not be replaced for professional mental health help in any circumstance. This is a informational blog with advice and personal thoughts. Not me being a therapist or providing therapy services.